Plain Funny - Just Joking Around

21 Jun 2011 - 11.07 pm

I stumbled upon a site on the net that contains loads of pretty awesome jokes, and I decided to share the jokes with you guys! Aren't I adorable? Haha! *lame joke*

ps : you may find some of these jokes a bit explicit and offensive, so feel free to just skip it if you don't feel comfortable (who would?)

- Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
   Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

- A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?"

- Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed.
   Guest: I'll make my own bed.
   Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.

- "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."

- Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra.
   Husband: Why? You have nothing to put in it!
   Wife: You wear shorts!

- A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there's nothin' special... we just flat out tell' em they're gonna die...

- HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
   WIFE: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

- Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Holy Shit it's hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Holy Shit... A talking muffin!"

- One man calls emergency:
   "Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!"
   After five minutes, the same man calls back:
   "It is OK, I found another one."

- Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
   A. Right where you left him.

- Q: How does a blonde try to kill a worm? 
  A: Bury it alive!

- Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
   A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.

Okay! That's all!!

Chow!!